Output
In the wake of the recent events, I have decided to start writing again.
It has been years since I logged into this account, even more years since I wanted to write anything about my life. However, an output to vent (or channel) my thoughts isn't so bad of an idea, is it? It doesn't matter if nobody reads it or gets it. What's important is that I know I can reevaluate myself and my writings in the future.
.....
One of the hardest things in life is accepting what has been fated for you and moving on. I am not talking about leaving-a-long-term-romantic-relationship kind of moving on, just life's directions in general. I have been left in this junction twice in this 29 years of life.
In 2012, I have been offered the job of my dreams- which seemed very unlikely for someone who knew no one in the field on personal capacity, someone who came from the wops wops, someone who has absolutely no experience or knowledge in the field. I had to compete with god-know-how-many people who had excellent references and prior experiences, and my only weapon was my voice. It all still seemed very surreal to me, hence the lengthy description. Not a year after those exciting, Redbull-and-coffee-driven sleepless nights, I got the news that I had to leave the job to do what I am least excited about: teaching. It took me weeks, if not months to stop crying at the thought of it and finally accepted the fact that I am here for a supposedly bigger and more direct purpose.
Fast forward five years later, I am faced with the same dilemma. Am I really fated to rot here without any possible career advancement? To be frank I am okay with that prospect. But the idea of not being able to acquire more knowledge in the field that I am passionate about is killing me. I want to be out there, garnering as much understanding as I can of the nature of language, possibly also its impact on media and societal changes, and there so many things I would like to explore! I honestly think this hunger is insatiable, but I can't even move a feet to try to satisfy it even by a bit.
I know, the world isn't made for me. I make my own world. Someone told me I always have a way to make what I want, mine. So I am going to dust it off, try, and if I fail, try again. Even if it takes decades.
(But maybe I should start with choosing a better title for my posts.)
It has been years since I logged into this account, even more years since I wanted to write anything about my life. However, an output to vent (or channel) my thoughts isn't so bad of an idea, is it? It doesn't matter if nobody reads it or gets it. What's important is that I know I can reevaluate myself and my writings in the future.
.....
One of the hardest things in life is accepting what has been fated for you and moving on. I am not talking about leaving-a-long-term-romantic-relationship kind of moving on, just life's directions in general. I have been left in this junction twice in this 29 years of life.
In 2012, I have been offered the job of my dreams- which seemed very unlikely for someone who knew no one in the field on personal capacity, someone who came from the wops wops, someone who has absolutely no experience or knowledge in the field. I had to compete with god-know-how-many people who had excellent references and prior experiences, and my only weapon was my voice. It all still seemed very surreal to me, hence the lengthy description. Not a year after those exciting, Redbull-and-coffee-driven sleepless nights, I got the news that I had to leave the job to do what I am least excited about: teaching. It took me weeks, if not months to stop crying at the thought of it and finally accepted the fact that I am here for a supposedly bigger and more direct purpose.
Fast forward five years later, I am faced with the same dilemma. Am I really fated to rot here without any possible career advancement? To be frank I am okay with that prospect. But the idea of not being able to acquire more knowledge in the field that I am passionate about is killing me. I want to be out there, garnering as much understanding as I can of the nature of language, possibly also its impact on media and societal changes, and there so many things I would like to explore! I honestly think this hunger is insatiable, but I can't even move a feet to try to satisfy it even by a bit.
I know, the world isn't made for me. I make my own world. Someone told me I always have a way to make what I want, mine. So I am going to dust it off, try, and if I fail, try again. Even if it takes decades.
(But maybe I should start with choosing a better title for my posts.)
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