My life is pretty much a mess right now.

There, I've said it. I've been sugarcoating myself lately. I've been living in denial. I pretend like everything is fine, everything (bad) is temporary, everything is going to be okay.


Truth to be told, sister, you broke my heart. Into a thousand pieces. You knew how much I love him. You always knew. I tried to accept the fact that you were luckier than I am, but with you rubbing it in my face all the time, I can't. I'm so sorry, I hate you for the time being. 


Then came the classes. I have been living in a limbo. I learned NOTHING from it, and I've a test Wednesday. But I'll figure a way out.


Then the loss of my one-week-old iPod and Blackberry. Yeah I look okay about it. But truth is, I miss them so fucking much. I learned to live with whatever flaw they had, and I love them unconditionally. I don't pray for bad things to happen to the thief, but I'm just sad that they are gone. Because I know I'll never get another Amethyst 8520 Blackberry. Or a 4th Gen 32GB iPod for that matter. I'm not a rich kid, I'm not from a rich family. I can't just snap my fingers and get all those stuffs.

And no, don't make it about you. I'm being blunt and selfish, but SCREW YOU, THIS IS ABOUT ME.


And then things have been a wee bit rocky. And I don't like it.


And I miss my family, especially my mom and baby sister.


Frankly speaking, I also believe I screwed the welcoming dinner, but I tried to convince myself that I did well.  Thanks everybody who thinks the same.

I know I sound depressed and whoever believes I'm gonna be fine will be pissed to read these negativities, but I'm sorry, I AM depressed and I need someone to let it out to, but I'm just to egoistic to admit.


My life IS complete. My life is fine, I'm just being tested right now.


Man, I just need to read again.


I am a strong girl I am a strong girl I am a strong girl I am a strong girl I am a strong girl I am a strong girl I am a strong girl I am a strong girl I am a strong girl I am a strong girl I am a strong girl I am a strong girl.

Comments

Syafiq Zakaria said…
honey you did good la last time. no worries ok..chill
15 March 2011 at 00:11
hawanasir said…
this is why i love you so much!
15 March 2011 at 00:40
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