Today I have pretty mixed emotion.

But instead of seeing it negatively as usual, I, surprisingly find today I have healthy balance of emotions. It all began with me feeling bad about the finals. Well, 'feeling horrible' would be an understatement like seriously. I got lost and got into the examination hall late. And I didn't have my ID with me. And I couldn't answer most of the questions. I couldn't even 'hentam' okay, it's that bad for a good paper bluffer like me -.-'

I was pretty sure that I'm gonna fail this paper. So I went back anyway, had kebab for lunch (haven't had heavy meals for three days- I had to cut my food intake because I couldn't find time for gym, so that was my 'treat', kind of). Then it happened. I saw my friends' statuses and whatnot, whining and complaining about the paper, just like I did. And then it hit me. Is it so hard for me to be thankful that it is over, regardless of the outcome? So I said my prayers and God, I feel better :)

Then I thought about this one person. It's because of them that I wonder if anyone would ever accept me for me. I mean, look at me. Am not compliant to the commandments (in some ways), I curse a lot, in short I am not what people expect me to be. And I've had some people wanting me to hide the 'bad' side of me so they could accept me and see me the way they want to see me. So I wonder, if it is possible for someone, somebody to accept me JUST the way I am, and love me for my obnoxiousness, my bitchiness, my appearance, and everything. I really wonder.

And then I thought about this guy. Who did everything to be with me. Well he's not with me exactly 24/7. Most of the times when I'm here he can't be around for me. But seriously, who else would move to Banting (which I believe, only *I* found special) so that we could spend summer together? And he's still there, leaving his friends behind :( And who else would spend thousands just so he could be with me? Tell me who. I'm not settling with him because 'it's easier than finding someone else'. No. I'm still with him because I still love him, and he's the best it could get. And I remember things weren't as hard when we were near. He finishes work, drives to McDonald's and we would have some good 2 minutes :') Or when he rides to my house just to hang out and have a chat with me and my parents. Or when he walks to my house to play badminton with me. Or the times when we drive to the beaches and just breathe the fresh air in. Or when we would spend our days off away from Banting and have regular mall dates, but tries new restaurants each time. Shit, things during just summer were really sweet. Belum lagi kira other times. Right now it isn't as horrendous, but it's different.

But the feelings won't change :) And God, as hard as being long distance sounds, I don't wanna change a thing about our relationship, I'll just let it run its course. No changing the past. It's nice, having someone so far away, feeling their love from halfway across the globe.

p.s: I am so sorry this is a really long personal rant. Read if you want to, or just click any other awesome links on the sidebar, no pressure.